Six days later I had received no response. Figuring that if God could snap up a universe in that time—surely his zealot could type up a reply in the same stretch, I sent a follow up:

Hello again, just touching base (I haven’t heard back and wanted to make certain you weren’t getting slothful with your email.) Anywho, I wanted you to know there were no hard feelings. I understand the policy isn’t your fault—you only discriminate because your religion tells you to. Just like if I had a new religion... say, one that told me to pee on the pious, or to carefully urinate a big BIGOT onto her front lawn, killing grass and spoiling soil in the shape of the well-deserved word, that you of all people would understand: it wasn’t my fault—my religion made me do it (all is fair in love of gods, right?)
 

Blind Faithfully Yours,
Church of the Golden Shower